those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
