If i come over, it means nothing
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
