what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
