Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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