i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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