do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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