My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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