please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
