dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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