did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
