you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
