right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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