when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
