You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
