Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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