Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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