there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
