some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
