My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize