I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't turn off my feet"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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