Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
