the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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