how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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