Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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