Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
