it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
