Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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