I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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