theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
