like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
