So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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