Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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