Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
