suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
