Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
