I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
