I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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