Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
