I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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