On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
