i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
