I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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