Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
