I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
