she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
