this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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