i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
