It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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