I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
