i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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