can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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