i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
