Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
