Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
