So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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