Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
