the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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