I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
