I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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