sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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