i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
