So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
