so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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