I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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