It's Friday. Sex?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
