i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I love you.
Bad choice
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
