Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
