Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
