I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize