hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
