Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
sex in a hospital.. check
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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